Saturday, January 10, 2009

First love in grudge..

“Not all happiness last forever…”

in memoirs of my first love…..

Picking the broken pieces ..

At the edge of sober night..

Fantasy world dark..

Gloomy skies took the symphony away..

Far and unevenly seen..

Some of the unglued part..

Scattered..Between anger and silence word..

Hidden beyond the lies..

Counting the last innocent day.. deep hurt winning the game..

As a fooish payer..

All of yesterday had lighed goof..

Forgiven is just a word..

Disgust the macerated heart..

Hatred fight for the king..

New housemate and incredibly fanatically insane

Felt like life is easier with people around,diz new year I got new housemate merangkap angkatan tentera bunga raya rejimen 20. Lame aint it??kindda starts diz year a bit dull and somehow goofy. Anyway fun is around diz few days, Chikari yang telah berjaya beli her brand new sony mp4,madly macho design..

Timoon getting weirdly obsessed wif her downloading fever. Korean drama wif yellow pages number. So cramp in front of her notebook. Facing you tube day n nite..alahai..alahai..

Mimiey get used of internet successfully. Totally goin under her creative vision. She’s busy checkin on the new software..umm..after navigator,she got map of da world,picassa..naaa..efficient search..currently she’s up to the theme stuff..

Ida aren’t excepted from her insanity of blogs,she was doin crime in internet,,haha, I like her post even its quite jeering me,,oh no..she stand perasan the whole day,, her..huhu

Aleng get into some sort of video game,,sound bombastic.but she had craziness at diz thumblebug..oh my,,she stared at the notebook the whole day. Dier tlah bergabung with me mengalahkan AHLI SIHIR IDA…

Way to go girl..

Class going to start

Rule number 1 don’t be so distressed

But..: how can I be so dat damn relax while I’m dead on da 1st day. Bayangkanla aku satu group claz dgn dier…siape dier..???kite will go into dat branch


Human being yang tak faham bahasa manusia homo sapien kat Malaysia,sumber inspirasi to da abnormalities of specialist like ME..dah beribu juta lemon kali cakap pn the result still error in language communication. But I think kepala dier kne struck by electrical impuls ber- voltan besar. Dier is a boy…yang body sistem cross function and trus short circuit kat bahagian medulla oblongata. Wernick area have big infection so he suffer from understanding language.

Retina juga bermasalah hingga buat org yang 10 meter far feel lik epoking his eyes off. Incredibly rosak saraf tunjang and all the neurotransmitter dah bercelaru.

Rase nak scream to hell leave me alone..

Memang..outta mind..

Consider the stupidity level..

I just hate…Hate…Hate and hate living in the world of girl that full of disaster. Why should girl have such feeling? Why on earth we girl have such HEART? I had it enough with everything already. I just want every single memory, dream, hope yet past or even name that scratched in my brain erased away. Wash away by my wave of anger. Those damn feeling caused me trouble so much. It takes away my concentration, my pride AND for the biggest is my TIME!!!!After calculating for some time I realize that love can’t last forever…firstly I fall in love with the wrong guy and he is now with my best friend. To me…the gate and the door are open but inside the decoration were not mined. It has changed and I just a stranger inside that house. That moment really break me into pieces that can never be glued again ever. How shame was that when you being a stranger in your own house that you build? All of sudden I felt all the wall had ripped open the roof gone and behind my house there’s another with beautifully made without my knowing. The gate was closed really tight. Feel it was just a dream that I wake up for. So paralyzed and too much to speak. I lost my words behind all consternation. Just thinking of crying because from their windows I can see happiness that tore my heart. Really bad as I fell down on the stormy ground yet my body can’t be lifted from where I stand. I don’t know where to walk but my anger just cannot burst out to them. Really CAN’T!!!Instead I tried so hard to send those trashes feeling down and deep. The fact is they don’t even care how much it hurt and no hands that hold me from getting away from my feeling. Alone in my pain going into world of my creation. That’s why I wonder why girl can be that deceived I had been strong enough to be in such state where I fake laughs, I fake every joke and I fake my sincere smile to fake my happy heart. Then I spent my hard time in shower crying silently with the pertinacious sound of waters that flows and let my tears drown away by the waters. My mouth keep saying that I ain’t love him anymore each days but deep inside it cursed every words of hating him. The feel was so strong for him that avoids me from vanishing him away from my life. Those freak word that sound egomaniac of me was so fake. Nobody ever knows everytime I being a DAMN FREAK ARROGANT I was so hurt. Sometime I just wasted my time thinking why my best friend could ever do that to me. What FRIENDSHIP is exactly? A friend? Perhaps it’s something that full of betrayal and scandal. That is the first time I have such description on friendship. Believe me how much I trust people now there’s no way it is eternally. I can laugh at the back when people speak out loud on friendship…it such a barbaric speech. Imagine you came over to a person and tell them how much your problem is but they laugh at the back. Also telling how much you had been broken and they just said stuff that can’t be considered as appropriate word for such thing. The most… most …most …most unbelievable and worst ever is telling him /her about your boy/ girlfriend that actually their boy/girlfriend too (scandal). I just realize how pathetic my life had been all this time long so full of betrayal that I STUPIDLYi mean it!!!!! Do not notice. This is the cased of being stabbed internally by your own trusted friend. Again I really really hate being a girl that have such silly feeling where you wake up and dream of a knight on white horse. That is obviously the most idiot thing of what girl can do. Why do we have such weak heart…thus easily melted that when the moment a gorgeous guy asked you out you starts to think that he fall in lovewith you while actually you are too much gay and ecstasy in such field. This occasionally led you to the starts of a new era of disaster. What am I trying so freaking hard to say is when is the girl gonna stop their contaminated feeling with love…the most is FAKE LOVE the creation of the boys that come out with idea of making toys of those girls. The damn thing that happened is that innocent girl just giving out the permit for them. Thus girls are a moment away of the doom and the boys a moment away of the bloom. So sick listening to boys nagging for love. Come on!! those ways are way way to out of date…the creep primitive way to win the girls heart. Not necessary to create such conditions where they have some sort of selling love like a salesman. Believe me love isn’t a toy. You will never know what it is forever it came in silence. Besides girl should stop their complicated thinking because it burn apart of the rationale brain that work for them. Really poor to those bunches of neural that crumple in idiot circumstances. Just like no way out. Girls are so stupid thinking that a smile can change the whole world. Who says that? Kennedy? Lincoln? Einstein? Even the milk maiden know how is it to think like a human. What’s with those creamy dreamy words? A good girl knows so much how to treat herself as a girl. But then why when girl stars to make decision she will definitely pulling back or even make herself with another alternative choice that turns out to be guys victory..I really hate the way girl make decision. When they decide to left him she just can’t get over it…Why should she misses him even more even though it’s already over. Why can’t she just throw away her stupid feeling then she make herself clear that is doomed…Nothing can be done about it and it was so over…and why she need to cry in the shower silently for hours just because he hurt her..Is that guy meaning so much to her that she can’t live without him…she may die…No way, as long you can breathe in this world please do something useful and rationale for your own sake.

Don’t girl feel awful whenever they get hurts and sleeping with nightmare that guys are really much I hate being agirl. First thing is bcause I don’t like the way girls thinking and its lame and dork. They put brain in their legs. That’s why they so stupid. Tend to lie just because they afraid being left by the guy… trust me…BOYS….isn’t anything, girl can live without boys but boys can’t live without girl and its really true..

Prosperity..and beyond..

This2009 will be the time to get rid of the past

To fix what had I think scratch of my behavior

What I consider as lame and intoxicant

Those facts that freak me like crazy the whole past year

It has to be something new be brought in

I wanna a wonderful new year

Without hesitate my day life

Regretting my pointer that not reach the dean list

Being insulted mentally

Didn’t has to be in love with someone that don’t love you

Don’t have to sit alone and think why he don’t like me

Crying with lots and lots of tears without knowing the reason

Feel hurtful inside while my brain said its nothing

Don’t have to pretend I am cool

Let all the pain gone with this twelve midnight bell

I just wanna all the thinking that blocked my dummy brain slip away

It come out into a long decipher

I wish I think about future more and more

Beat those guys that think I’m a looser

While I’m not people!!!

Stop chasing something that’s not real

Loving the songs that I hate

Get the first class degree

No sweats!!!!i really freakin wish it

Praying that I can continue to my dream …the biggest one

California, Berkeley

Significantly I wanna appreciate people more

I don’t wanna make people that love me suffer like I do

I never tell them mean words

I listen to them

But never giving hope that being too much

I’m going to learn being a lil selfish

Trying hard on my dream

Working really a lot for my coming exam

Live my life in my own way

I’m not cheap and desperately friendly

Set into my brain that those mushy love song isn’t a crime

Dare to change

Being nice to people

No more revenge, vengeneance and wrath

Or even a creep dismay because of a boy

Keep my friendship still

I’m just 20 and it still early for that mushy corny relationship

I wish for my better life

Prosper for the coming year

Victory over everything

Looking forward the glory

Me the best and the greatest ever